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Posts Tagged ‘serenity prayer’

Changing the things we can

October 31st, 2009

Remember the serenity prayer? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. People ask me how I can coach someone to improve their Migraine profile (frequency and severity of Migraines). Isn’t that in the realm of things we cannot change?

With Migraine disease we are often at the effect of forces we can’t change. We have highly sensitive nervous systems, and we can’t always predict our Migraines. But there are things that we can do, to make a difference for ourselves. I have identified ten areas of our lives where we can take action and make changes that can impact the frequency and severity of our Migraines.

1. Rest & Sleep: Getting 7 – 9 hours of restful sleep per night; going to sleep and waking up at approximately the same time every day; getting to sleep before midnight each night; and taking time during your day to rest when you are tired.

2. Hydration: Drinking at least 2 liters of water or non-caffeinated, non-alcoholic fluid per day; and increasing your fluid intake when you have a Migraine.

3. Nourishment: Eating nourishing food at regular mealtimes; avoiding letting your blood sugar drop or letting yourself get shaky with hunger; avoiding foods that you know trigger you; drinking no more than 2 caffeinated beverages per day; and consuming alcohol only in moderation.

4. Environmental Triggers: Avoiding living or working around extreme noise; avoiding smoking, living or working around smoke; avoiding perfumes or chemical fumes in your living or working environment; using sunglasses and hats to protect yourself from bright light; and working to clear your environment of other triggers.

5. Exercise: Doing some form of physical activity on a daily basis; getting aerobic exercise at least 3 times a week for 20 minutes; and stretching daily.

6. Relaxation: Participating in some form of deliberate relaxation, activating your relaxation response, for at least 30 minutes a day; and taking mental breaks between periods of concentration or intense activity, walking away, changing gears, disengaging, slowing down.

7. Work: Doing work, volunteer work, a hobby or other pursuit that gives you purpose, satisfies and sustains you.

8. Relationships:Being happy with your relationships; and having relationships that are loving, fun, that support you and sustain you, with good communication.

9. Medical Care: Being happy with your communication with your medical providers; being happy with the expertise of your medical providers; and being happy with the care given you by your medical providers.

10. Treatment Options: Being satisfied with your Migraine treatment options; having educated yourself about available treatment alternatives; using your treatments effectively – as directed, when needed; and using complementary medicine and comfort measures to supplement medications.

When I am coaching a Migraineur we look at which area to start working on, which would be the easiest to change, and which would make the biggest difference. We can’t change everything at once; we must have someplace to start. The support of a coach and a group of other Migraineurs helps make and sustain the changes that make a difference.

– Megan Oltman

Tags: Migraine management, migraine management coaching, serenity prayer
Posted in Managing, Tips & Techniques | Comments (0)

God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Migraines I Cannot Change

July 11th, 2008

I try to live by the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This simple prayer has seen me through family issues, recovery from major illness, life crisis and transitions, grief, job loss, financial difficulty.  It is the mantra I repeat as the pain takes over my head, as I wait for my meds to work, as I practice deep breathing to relax my mind and body.  It keeps me focussed where I need to be, in knowing what I can change and what I can’t, not wasting my energy where I cannot change something, not sitting in useless despair when there is something I can do.  It also keeps me in the moment.  I cannot change anything in the past.  I can only change the future by taking the next right action to lead me where I want to go, not by wishing, hoping, fantasizing or sitting immobilized in fear.

There’s no way for me to write a post about spirituality without talking about what I believe, which is deeply personal and which I rarely discuss.  I grew up with a Jewish mother (from a not very religious family) and a father who was the son of Presbyterian missionaries, celebrated holidays from both religions but was raised pretty much as an atheist, and then became a Quaker (along with most of my family) as a teenager.  Spirituality and faith may never be a simple matter for me.  I don’t consider myself a religious person, but I am a spiritual person.

There’s no way to write a post about spirituality, I think, without turning some of you off.  Some may already be turned off by the use of the word “God.”  Some were turned off by my description of my unusual religious background.  Some will be excited by it and see it as an opportunity to convert me.  Please resist that temptation!  Some will be turned off in a moment when I tell you that I consider myself to be a faithful agnostic.  What does that mean?   I have faith in a power greater than myself, in a power for good, the power of love, a power that unites people, incites altruism, brings us to care for more than our own selfish interests, “that of God in every man.”  I believe there is more out there than we can see, perceive or know in any scientific sense.  But I’m… blessed if I know what it is!  I don’t even think it’s important for me to know what it is!
How does this help me with Migraine disease?  I don’t go down the road of “God gave me Migraines for a reason.”  Whatever else I believe, I can’t get behind the idea of a God who causes suffering, for any reason.  I think more that we live in this gloriously complex world where we have sunsets and earthquakes, roses and poison ivy, kittens and sharks, senses of humor and migraines.   It’s a complex system that somehow all works together, and we are part of it, warts and all.  Migraines and all.

I do believe, though, in my God, my higher power, as a comforter.  As the force of love, of good.  To help me through pain, to help me remember that I am not the pain, that I am more than the disease, that I am here to help others, to make the world better.  Sometimes in the midst of a migraine, I have a moment of feeling like this is all there is, no world exists outside the pain.  I say the serenity prayer.  It reminds me that there is more.  That I am more.  That another day will dawn when I am without pain and can get on with living.  That the beauty of the world is still there waiting.  I do think it takes faith to live with Migraine disease.  Ridiculous faith and unconquerable hope.  I am amazed by the ridiculous faith and unconquerable hope I see in my fellow migraineurs.  And I find serenity there too.

– Megan
Wishing you serenity and freedom from pain

Tags: faith, Migraine disease, pain, serenity prayer, spirituality
Posted in Managing, Musings, Religion | Comments (8)

Knowing what to rage against

January 17th, 2008

“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  Dylan Thomas

What’s important is to know what to rage against. How do I fight the good fight, and not the losing battle? It does me no good to fight the fact of my disease – where my fight is best placed is in finding help for myself and others, learning more, educating more, fighting to live a good life. But I forget that, frequently. I’m sure you never do that – I must be the only one who gets angry at this stupid disease!

Tuesday night I felt the steel band tighten around my temples. The gentle light behind the stained glass shade began to drill unbearably into my eyeballs. Dinner was cooked and eaten, homework done or well underway. My plan for the evening involved chatting with my husband, paying bills, loading the dishwasher, some reading. Nothing ambitious or exciting. My plan did not involve a migraine.

I laid my head on Danny’s chest. “Another one?” he asked. I nodded. “Why don’t you go upstairs?” “I will,” I said, “I’ll just try and load the dishwasher.” (Fighting the disease.) “Don’t overdo it,” he said. So I went into the kitchen, and put a plate, a glass, a fork into the dishwasher, bending slightly. The pain gathered over my right eyebrow for its opening move – a faint whack. “Okay, that’s enough!” I said, and laughed a little. (Acceptance.)

So I went upstairs, turned the lights low in the bedroom and settled in. The pounding was slowly starting, so I took my Imitrex. It was 8:30 at night. I could have gone to sleep. I could have read a little and gone to sleep. But I was mad. I was downright disgusted. I wanted to be entertained. I turned on the tv. The flickering screen bothered me, but the pain never got intense enough for me to back down. I stayed up until 11:30, watching a movie I wasn’t even enjoying. I had to keep the sound low to protect my head. I had to mute the commercials and avert my eyes from them. At 11:30 the migraine began to break through the imitrex. I went to sleep.

I woke exhausted at 6 in the morning, on insufficient sleep, to the kitchen fill of dishes. My son was grumpy and didn’t want to get up. I was the world’s most put-upon human being. I plunged my hands into the greasy dishwater, yelled at my son, and cried. My head was tight, threatening another round. But I pulled myself together, made the kids breakfast, got the dishwasher running, the kids out to the bus, checked my work schedule and went back to bed for an hour. I got up and went to work – realizing that it wasn’t the kids or the dishes or even the migraine I was mad at, it was me, my own self, for not taking care of me.

Acceptance is not giving up. Acceptance is going with the flow, with the grain, in the groove. Acceptance is the feet on the ground. Inspiration, striving, creation, possibility is the arms reaching for the sky. Let me have my feet on the ground and my arms up to the sky. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Viva la difference!
– Megan

Reaching for Serenity

Tags: acceptance, anger, Dylan Thomas, imitrex, migraine, rage against the dying of the light, serenity prayer
Posted in Managing, Musings | Comments (2)