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Posts Tagged ‘Carolyn Bernstein M.D.’

My Brain Doesn’t Like My Life

March 17th, 2009

Now mind you, I like my life. Not that there aren’t parts of it I could do without. Not that it doesn’t have its difficulties. But I do like my life. It’s just my brain that doesn’t like it. Oh and maybe my immune system? Or my adrenal glands? What system is implicated in Chronic Fatigue? I know there’s some central nervous system component to that too, so I’m probably back to my original statement – my brain doesn’t like my life.

I was reading The Migraine Brain by Dr. Carolyn Bernstein the other day and I was really struck by one of her statements.  She is discussing the brain, how it is less adaptable and tolerant of change or variance than any other organ in the body, and Migraine brains are “as high-maintenance as they come!” Our brains want us to have a calm, quiet, regular existence, with low stress levels, the same amount of good quality sleep at the same time every day, a constant level of blood sugar.  I was trying to explain this to a business associate this morning – he was suggesting that I add a second weekly 7 a.m. networking meeting to my schedule, and I was trying to tell him the effect on my system of getting up even one day a week early enough to make a 7 a.m. meeting, when I don’t get up that early other days.

In reality, I have two teens who have to get up at 6 to get to school and who stay up late doing homework and I can’t always get to bed as early as I would like, or sleep as late as I would like, even though my husband takes care of most of both the early and late parenting duties. In reality there is a great deal of stress and financial pressure in my life, and I need to work, and I need to continually generate and reinvent the work that I do, since I work for myself. My stress levels mean that I don’t sleep as well as I might, and that leads to more fatigue, and more Migraines. More fatigue and more Migraines mean I get less work done, and that’s a vicious cycle.

Thinking about having a high maintenance brain has really amused me. I have never seen myself as a high maintenance kind of a woman! But I started speculating, if I have a high maintenance brain, what kind of life would it like me to have? Clearly it would involve going to bed by 11 each night. Maybe a bath and a massage to relax me before bed.  “Come along, Megan, time for your bath and massage.” Ah, yes.  Then I would sleep until 8 and have a nutritious breakfast in bed.  Get up and do yoga, and go for a walk.

The weather would be breezy, 75 degrees, mixed sun and clouds.  It could rain a little overnight, but never when I want to go out. Yes, I mean every day. I know it’s unreasonable, but I’m high maintenance, right? Come on!

I’m really not sure what the rest of my day would consist of, frankly it’s hard for me to imagine, but I do know that I would not have much of anything to worry about. That is non-negotiable to my brain! I could take nice little trips as long as all the other drivers drove safely and carefully and did not use their horns. I could have lovely visits with people and enjoy restaurants and movies and concerts and plays as long as no one smoked, no one shouted, there were no flashing lights, and the decibels were at a reasonable level. Whatever that is!  And no two people can ever speak to me at at the same time. And all my meals must be delicious and gluten free and arrive before my blood sugar drops too low.  Preferably without me having to think about it too much, or cook it.  Yes, I could have lots of lovely fun as long as it was all on my terms and I was home in time for my bath and massage and bed by 11.

Gee, it sounds kind of like what my high-maintenance brain wants is a permanent vacation! An expensive one! Oh for heaven’s sake, brain, get a life!

– Megan

Oh well, at least there’s chocolate.

Tags: Carolyn Bernstein M.D., Migraine brain
Posted in Rant, Silliness | Comments (4)