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Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Don’t be SAD – Winter’s Halfway Over

February 4th, 2009

First of all, I want to say that Groundhog Day makes me a little nuts. When I was a kid we lived in an old farmhouse beside a field and there was a groundhog in the middle of that field whom we called Mr. Wiggles. (Anyone my age may remember the jello commercials.) Now I am not doing groundhog research here today and I can’t tell you whether groundhogs are true hibernators or not, but I can tell you Mr. Wiggles never, ever, came out of his hole on Groundhog Day, come sun, snow, rain, or shadow, not for hell or high water.

Now you can talk all you like about Punxsatawney Phil, but first of all, no-one ever heard of him when I was a kid, and secondly, how is some groundhog in Punxsatawney, Pa, going to predict winter for the rest of us all over the place?  I mean, if there’s a cloud over Phil, early spring right there where Phil is, and it’s sunny 17 feet away, then 17 feet away there’s going to be 6 more weeks of winter? Puh-leez! Thirdly, they actually reach into a box and pull Phil out and make a prognostication as to whether he saw his shadow or not!  I mean, how bogus is that? And lastly, and here’s the kicker, February 2nd, Groundhog Day, is the exact half-way point of winter!  So no matter what the groundhog does or does not do, Phil, Mr. Wiggles, or your own local groundhog, on February 2nd you have 6.5 more weeks of winter! Yes, sometimes it gets warm earlier, and sometimes it snows in the spring, and it’s different depending on where you live and so on.

Sorry, I just had to go there. I was born on February 4th, that’s right, that would be Today, two days after Groundhog Day, and I’ve been hearing those groundhog jokes all my life! But here’s the good news about February 2nd (and the other good news about February 4th) – it’s half-way through winter!

By the beginning of February, the days (here in the Northern Hemisphere) are as long as they are in late October. I can’t say I’ve ever been specifically diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) but I’ve read about it and it sounds like what I experience when the days are shorter. I am more fatigued, depressed, get sick more easily, get more Migraines. Of course, being indoors in a heated house also has its part – dealing with dry, recirculated air.

Who else deals with this? I use a number of strategies to make it a better winter for myself. I’ll share the ones that have helped me but I’d love to hear from any of you who have others.

Has anyone used one of those light boxes they prescribe to give you exposure to more daylight-type light in the house? I haven’t, but I’ve used full-spectrum light-bulbs (not fluorescent!) and I find they help me. Here are some of my tricks:

• Turn on a lot of lights in the house between 4 pm and about 8 pm – this can be a problem for my Migraines, but I try to use gentle shaded lamps rather than overheads.
• Spend time taking care of house-plants just about every day.
• Get a bunch of flower bulbs to force every few weeks so I can have something blooming in the house every few weeks throughout the winter.
• Get outdoors between 11 and 2 for 20 minutes if at all possible. If it’s too cold to be out for 20 minutes, do 2 – 10 minute periods or 4 – 5 minute periods.
• Open windows and air the house out for about an hour once a week if possible. If it’s above about 25 degrees Fahrenheit, I think it’s possible. Obviously don’t do it if you’re sick or it’s a blizzard out or anything like that.
• Use humidifiers and get something to measure the indoor humidity – it should be 35 – 55% to be healthy.

There are reasons why our ancestors held celebrations in the winter to remind them that light, warmth and life would return to the earth. Groundhog Day actually falls on the date of one such ancient celebration –  Candlemas. I too rejoice in the returning of the sun! But I’m keeping the warm stuff out for 6 more weeks of winter.

– Megan

Groundhog image courtesy of Matt MacGillivray; paper whites image courtesy of Bethany L. King.

Tags: Candlemas, Groundhog Day, migraine, Punxsatawney Phil, Seasonal Affective Disorder
Posted in Managing, Rant, Tips & Techniques | Comments (0)

Here we Go Again

January 25th, 2009

Another wasted day. Sound familiar? I had a Migraine Friday night, treated it promptly and lay low, did everything I should do. Yesterday I woke up better, though not 100%. A state of slight soreness in the left temple that is usually a characteristic of post-drome for me, but can be an incompletely aborted Migraine. It is sometimes hard to tell. Unfortunately these monsters do not follow a consistent pattern. I took it fairly easy yesterday. I slept enough, did some light activity, I did not do anything to overtax my brain or trigger another Migraine. Or so I thought.

The only thing I did “wrong” was to stay up later than I had planned – I was in bed asleep at 12:15, about an hour later than I should have. I wanted to watch a DVD with Danny and waited for him a little. He’s trying to get a project finished and I didn’t want to rush him. The movie was also a bit longer than I expected. Add it all up and it equals not good sleep hygiene. And I woke up this morning with another Migraine. Two in three days is far too many.

I always hesitate to complain. I know there are many of you out there with daily head pain and I am so blessed not to have to deal with that. I was talking to someone just yesterday about keeping perspective, and how when our seratonin is depleted by Migraine or depression we need to try to remind ourselves that we will not always feel this way, that this is not the only true reality. Could someone please come remind me of that today? Remind me that this, what I feel today, is not the only true reality! Remind me that a Sunday spent mainly in the confines of my bedroom, doing very little other than trying to keep this monster at bay, trying to treat it and limit it to today, is not the end of the world or of the progress I’ve been making. Remind me that although the sun is sinking on a painful day, that didn’t go according to my plans, that sun is coming up again tomorrow and I get another chance? Thanks!

– Megan

What am I doing today? I’m healing my brain.

Tags: Migraine management, Migraine trigger
Posted in Managing, Rant | Comments (1)

My Brain Hurts!

January 23rd, 2009

Do you remember the Gumbies from Monty Python?  “My Brain Hurts!” “Oh, no, Mr. Gumby…” “I’ve got a piece of brain stuck in my head and it hurts…” My cousin and I used to quote this at each other in our teens, and laugh hysterically (Mike can do a mean Mr. Gumby impression). Little did I know that a few decades later “my brain hurts” would become such a refrain for me!

I have never seen “thinking too hard” on any list of Migraine triggers, and I’m dubious about stress. As I’ve discussed here before, stress is officially considered an exacerbating factor in Migraine, not a trigger. So I don’t know whether the experience of “sparks are about to come out of my ears” has any physiological basis or not.  Someday I may do some research and see what kind of scientific explanations there are for this phenomenon, but not today.

Today is a Friday. Fridays my brain has been working hard all week and I either give it the final push that sends it straight to Frigraine-land, or I get into an extended case of the sillies. I realize this is a tautology. I can’t tell you whether thinking too hard is a Migraine trigger because I can’t think that hard because that might trigger a Migraine. Does that make any sense? Probably not, but we’re going to have to live with it! Look I’ve been drafting an estate plan, researching corporate formation, reading up on the relaxation response, attending a mediation discussion meeting, giving a marketing talk, writing a migraine management newsletter, and trying to remember algebra. Among other things. If I think much harder my head will explode. I’m pretty sure of that.

A friend copied me on an email this week, introducing me to her disability lawyer, so that I can speak to the lawyer about her case. One of the things I am interested in is helping Migraineurs and others with invisible chronic illness to get disability income if they need it. Anyway, the friend closed the email by saying she was impressed at what a professional sounding letter she can still write, though it had given her a Migraine to do it! So I’m not the only one who finds that mental effort makes my brain hurt.

As I have gotten back into legal work lately, I have been using synapses in the ole brain-bucket that have been in disuse for a number of years. I don’t know if the Migraines I’ve had over the past decades have any effect on my cognitive functioning, or if it’s just those darned decades themselves doing the job. I’ve been encouraged to discover that even though I can’t always think on my feet and recall immediately how to solve a problem, if I leave it alone and come back to it everything seems to fall back into place. I’ve done things I haven’t done in 10 years, things I haven’t done in 20 years, and this week had to dust off some math skills I haven’t used since high school!

This is the good news, but there have been many panicked moments in between when I felt like my brain was short-circuiting, when I actually physically felt pressure mounting in my head, when I thought sparks were going to come out my ears. What is that? An over-active imagination? I don’t think so. I don’t have any studies to cite for you, but when I think my head is going to explode, I think it’s time to give the brain a break.

Right now my brain hurts. Just a little bit. I’m going to take a break after I write this, and do my relaxation breathing, then put on my boots and take a little walk in the melting snow.  I may manage to avoid a Migraine tonight. I have to say I’m encouraged by the resiliency of this organ, this thinking organ that has been ailing, and aging, and working hard, that I need to earn my living and to see me through all the years of my life to come. I also need to remember that like any other part of me, I can exercise this brain, but it also needs its rest and relaxation, it needs both to stretch and to recover.

– Megan

There’s a piece of brain stuck in my head. Thank God!

Tags: brain, disability, migraine, relaxation
Posted in Managing, Rant, Silliness | Comments (4)

Testing for Medication Allergies

October 13th, 2008

Long story ahead.  I’ve been trying to get tested to get more information about the specifics of my medication allergies.  I’m allergic to ibuprofen, likely all aspirin derivatives (NSAIDs) and possibly also acetominophen. Long story which you may have read here, 2 near-death anaphylactic reactions to Advil, hives from Tylenol, swollen lips from an aspirin-based product, yada-yada.

My allergist suggested at the time (nearly 6 years ago) that since all these reactions happened within a few months, when my system calmed down I might not be allergic to everything. But said allergist would not do challenge tests on me for the medications for fear of liability, and she was also a screaming nasty unprofessional person whose sorry butt got fired.

Lo, 5+ years of living without these meds later, my headache specialist would like me to get tested for aspirin and acetominophen to see if we can expand my available Migraine medication options. My primary doctor told me 6 months ago that he thought he could do such a test in his office. The idea would be that I would actually ingest a small controlled amount of the drug in question and the staff would stand by to save me if I started going into anaphylaxis. Sounds like fun, no?

So last week I went to talk to my primary doctor about doing said challenge tests in his office. He
discussed it with me in more detail. He wanted to find a less dangerous way and proposed testing my blood for antibodies to the chemicals involved. This indicates whether there is a sensitivity, but I asked him, “Does having a sensitivity tell you whether the body would react anaphylactically?”  He went off to research it and concluded that no, it wouldn’t. I just got
a call back from his nurse saying there was no way to test except the “old-fashioned” challenge test, and they felt that could only be done in the hospital with a crash cart. So I should find an allergist who would admit me as an inpatient and do the test in the hospital.

Is this back to square one? I’m imagining calling allergists’ offices and saying, “hi, I’m looking to make an appointment see if the doctor would be willing to put me in the hospital, give me something that might kill me and then stand by to save my life! Oh and by the way, I really am counting on my life being saved! Want to take me on as a patient?” The fact that I am about to switch insurance makes this all more complicated.

I’m actually going to call Dr. G (headache specialist) and see if he might think
an allergist associated with his hospital would do it. At least then it would be one doctor asking it of another instead of some crazy-sounding patient?

I’m not particularly upset here or anything, just kind of rolling my eyes. Nothing’s ever simple, is it? It’s a wonder any of us ever have time to do anything other than wade our way through our medical issues!

– Megan Oltman
Still living aspirin-free!

Aspirin image courtesy of Ritcharnd Moskow; magic pill image courtesy of [O*] ‘BharaT; map-maze image courtesy of David Bleasdale.

Tags: allergy challenge test, aspirin, headache specialists, ibuprofen, medication allergies, Migraine treatment, NSAIDs
Posted in Medicine, Rant | Comments (3)

Health Insurance Headaches

October 8th, 2008

Warning – Full blown rant ahead.  I am so upset I can hardly stand it.  I think my head may explode.  I know I have criticized the media for using Migraine loosely to describe a hassle, but I’m using it literally here.  My health insurance company, which is supposed to guard and foster my health, is about to give me a bona fide Migraine!  Adrenaline triggered, high blood pressure triggered, crying triggered, you name it.  And then they won’t want to pay for my medication.

I just received a notice that as of November 1, my health insurance premiums will go up by over 60%.  I receive group insurance through a professional association, and so I am one of those self-employed small business owners who is paying for my own premiums.  These are the group rates, mind you, if I tried to get my own insurance outside the group the premiums would be even higher.  Our health care is already the one of the largest costs in our budget, after shelter.  Higher than utilities, auto fuel, higher than food.  The monthly premium for our family of four will go up about $800, to over $2000.  And that’s just the beginning.  We already have:

• a $30 co-pay for doctor visits;
• a $50 specialist co-pay (“specialist” includes physical therapy for headache prevention – $50 out of pocket every time I go – my neurologist wants me going twice a week, I manage twice a month at those rates);
• most of the medications our family uses are considered “Tier 3” and have a $50 co-pay as well, so that’s a good $400 at the pharmacy every month;
• we have a $2000 deductible for out of network doctors (and we do use some of the same doctors who we like and trust and have used for years – silly us – so picky, huh?);
• after we’ve forked out that $2000 deductible, we have a 30% co-pay for out-of-network; and
• all claims must be submitted in 90 days or they are rejected.

That last is a doozy – take someone who is chronically ill and has trouble keeping up with paperwork, and you have a perfect formula to never have to pay on some large proportion of their claims.  Every previous insurance company I’ve had gave you 6 months to a year to submit claims.

Oh, and I almost forgot.  This company routinely loses about 1/3 of everything I send them.  So I have to keep to a very strict schedule to get everything in, then I send the claims, get nothing back, call them, they have no record, and they tell me, “Oh, if our scanner can’t read it, it’s destroyed.”  Destroyed.  I pay these people over $15,000 a year, soon to be over $24,000 and they destroy my paperwork?  Then I have to dig out my copies, send another set with a cover letter, and guess what, they send half of those back saying they weren’t submitted within 90 days.

To all the costs above, let’s add that I spend a good 2 days of my time every other month dealing with my health insurance claims, mostly with their screw-ups, uncompensated, of course, taking time away from earning my living.

I’m naming names here.  It’s Oxford Health Insurance, a United Healthcare Company.  They grant me the privilege of paying them an additional 60% for this abuse starting next month.  The reason?  Our group has a higher than average rate of claim submission!  Aha!  So, let’s analyze this – first of all, this is a group of coaches, whose job is to get people organized and on track to achieve their goals – maybe we have a higher than average ability to actually find our way through the impossible obstacle course that Oxford has set up to keep people from submitting claims!

But then, remind me, what’s the insurance for?  Call me naive, I thought it was there so I could afford health care!  I didn’t realize it was for the profit of the insurance company, first, foremost, and exclusively!  I’ve got no problem with business, I’m in business myself, but I do have a problem with the profit motive here, where it’s destroying the very purpose of the product!  Dare I suggest a single-payer system?  This is not auto insurance.  You raise rates on bad drivers, to give people an incentive to be good drivers.  So you raise rates on sick people to do what?  Punish them for being sick?  It is wrong to refuse insurance for pre-existing conditions.  It is also wrong to make insurance unaffordable for people who happen to use it.  That’s just a sneaky way to try not to cover conditions whether pre-existing or new.

A few days ago I said I would be non-partisan in this blog, and I don’t want to alienate anyone.  Please feel free to come here for help and support and ideas about managing life with Migraines regardless of your politics.  But I’m sorry, I can’t stay neutral here.  We have a chance to finally make a difference with our votes, a difference we sorely need.  McCain is proposing a $5000 tax credit to go straight to the insurance companies.  That won’t even pay for this premium increase, let alone make me any better off.  Does Oxford deserve even more of my money after all they already manage to take?  McCain is proposing deregulating health insurance further and encouraging more competition, letting the market take care of it.  The market is taking care of it by raising my health insurance premiums by over $9000 a year, because I have the gall to actually use my insurance!  What exactly is my family supposed to give up to pay for our health care?  Food?  Heat?

We need comprehensive, affordable health care available to all of us.  We need insurers to give sick people coverage without penalizing them.  We need this desperately.  People are being driven into ill health and poverty in this country by lack of coverage.  Barack Obama’s health care plan goes a long way down the road towards the coverage we need.  I need his plan now.  I think we all do.

– Megan Oltman

Exploding head courtesy of Alexander Iezzi.

Tags: affordable healthcare, Barack Obama, health insurance, healthcare, migraine
Posted in Advocacy, Rant | Comments (4)

Physical Therapy (Again) – This Time for Migraine

July 29th, 2008

Past results not a guarantee of future performance.

I had my first physical therapy appointment yesterday, prescribed by Dr. Gerhardstein, my new headache specialist, as I discussed in Update on my Headache Specialist Visit.   The idea is to release tension in my neck and retrain me to loosen those muscles, and avoid straining them.  As I understand it, neck pain and tension lead to tension headaches.  The muscles in the neck connect directly with the fascia over the skull, so tension in the neck muscles will lead to tightening of the fascia, leading to that tightening-all-over-the-head pain of tension headaches.  Since my tension headaches almost always morph into Migraines, this should help reduce that trigger.

I took my first yoga class at 15, going along with my mother to the local Y, and I was proud of how flexible I was compared to the 30, 40 and 50ish women in the class.  Now I’m that 40-50ish woman and I’m not so flexible.  The physical therapist (who is about my age, I’d guess) must have said “at your age” at least 4 times in the course of a 45 minute session.  “Your posture is not too bad for your age.” “It’s common to have that kind of limited range of motion at your age.”  (And the one that really killed me) “You might still be able to tighten up those abdominals at your age.”

My mother always corrected my posture as a child and a teen, but when I went to college I took and then taught women’s self-defense classes.  I learned to stand tall, strong, and proud.  After my pregnancies I worked hard on tightening those abdominals back up.  It is a rude awakening that I’m slumping even a little, at my age!  I had to laugh at myself – she said she was going to assess my posture, I stood up straight (I thought) and prepared to receive my A+ and she said my posture was “not too bad,” and that my abdominals were weak.  Not too bad?  She might as well have given me an F!

Don’t get me wrong, I really liked her.  She applied moist heat and a TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) unit, then ultra-sound, then a gentle (Ahh!) neck massage.  Since the session yesterday I have been hyper aware of my posture.  Each time I go through a doorway I true myself up – ears over shoulders, head held high, abdominals in.  I did the yoga exercises she gave me before bed and the neck stretches in the shower.  I’m looking forward to my next appointment, later in the week.

Here’s what the rude awakening is.  The fact that I did yoga regularly as a teen and on and off in my twenties and thirties will not help me now.  The fact that I know how to have good posture, how to relax my neck, how to exercise my abdominals, none of that is the same as doing it, now.  The physical therapist doesn’t see the woman who did all that great stuff decades ago.  She sees the woman with chronic pain and stiffness in her neck.  She sees the limited range of motion, and treats that.  Thank goodness!  Being a teacher’s pet will not help me here!  Having been a straight A student has no relevance!  This is about a daily practice to help me live better and feel better, now.  In my 49 (and a Half!!!) year old body, not the 15 or 25 or 35 year old one I once had.

I wanted you to know about PT as an option for helping with Migraine.  I also wanted to remind myself, and you, to live now, in this day, in this body (the one you’re in).  Bring peace to this day.  Bring healing to this day.  And there is hope for those abdominals yet!

– Megan

Model of the head image copyright 1995 Buyamag Inc., yoga stretch image courtesy of Bandita.

Tags: flexibility, migraine, physical therapy, posture, TENS, tension headaches, yoga
Posted in Managing, Medicine, Rant | Comments (1)

Believing in Ghosts

July 11th, 2008

The problem with pain, aside from the fact that it hurts, is that you never get used to it.  And then there’s that other problem, that the purpose of pain is to let you know there’s something wrong, so you can take your hand out of the flame.  But what’s the purpose of migraine pain?  To let us know that our neurons are going haywire?  Oh, how useful!  Since they’re going to do their haywire thing whether we know it or not.  And then the other problem, of course, is that it hurts. I know, I already said that.  But did I mention that it Hurts?

I love my Migraine-free time.  Sometimes I worry that I don’t love it enough, that I don’t remember to love it every minute.  Then the pain takes me by surprise when it comes back.  It feels like such a betrayal.  How could this be happening, again, when I’ve been so good, well, mostly, well I’ve tried to be…

I had 4 weeks with two mild migraines.  Went off to the migraine specialist saying “I’ve just had the best month in about 7 months – kind of like when you take the car to the mechanic it stops making the noise!” Kine-ahora!   (That’s Yiddish for… kind of like knock wood… ward off the evil eye.)   So on the way home from the migraine specialist what do I get?  You guessed it!  I ended up with a two day temple-gouger this time.  Pain like I haven’t felt in, well, a month?

When I was little I used to have scary dreams with ghosts.  If I said (in the dream), that I didn’t believe in ghosts, the ghosts would throw me up in the air or bounce me up and down or do something to prove they were real. I feel a little like that with the Migraine I just had – like I’m going along saying how well I’m doing and the beast has to jump out and bounce me up and down to prove it’s real. All right, already, I believe!

Who knows?  I don’t like the nasty surprise of the pain, but maybe it’s better than remembering it all the time.  Better to live completely in my wellness, rather than still in the Migraine.  I felt well today.  For which I am exceedingly grateful.  I hope you did too.

– Megan

Neurons image courtesy of Rebecca Radcliff; ghost image courtesy of piccadillywilson.

Tags: Migraine pain
Posted in Rant | Comments (6)

Coping with Migraine: Claims of a “Cure”

June 27th, 2008

I was recently presented with a dilemma here on Free my Brain. I want to encourage dialog and exchange of ideas, but I don’t intend to provide an open marketplace for sale of migraine “cures.”  (Though I will gladly support and even promote helpful products and services.)  Migraine is a complex, genetically based, neurological disease.  The frequency and severity of migraines vary enormously from person to person; so do the number and complexity of triggers and other contributing factors.  What we know now is that this is a neurological disorder, a differently ordered nervous system, if you will, which has existed throughout human history.  Like many congenital conditions, there may have been a valid evolutionary reason for this mutation at one point.  Maybe migraineurs were the human barometers, predicting disastrous weather changes for primitive societies.  I had fun speculating on the evolutionary basis of migraine in the post Our Ancestress: A Fable.

I have heard from many people who have done just one thing and their migraines have gone away.  To them I can only say mazel tov!   (Congratulations!)  Here is a bouquet of flowers to celebrate!   For some it is eliminating just one trigger.  For others it is a particular nutritional supplement, a practice of meditation, regular exercise, a medication, a surgery, pregnancy, menopause, a life or lifestyle change.   I don’t know if there are statistics on how many migraineurs find relief from just one thing.  I do know there are large numbers of us out here who need to find a combination of factors to manage and control our migraines.  Here is a bouquet of flowers to console us!  There is no “cure” for a genetically based neurological condition, any more than there is a “cure” for my red hair and green eyes.   (Well, another 15 – 20 years may pretty well eliminate the red hair.)

A great place for some very basic facts and information about Migraine is the recent quiz at My Migraine Connection: Dispelling Migraine Myths.   The two books on migraine featured in the left side-bar on this page are both great resources for learning about migraine and how to manage it.  There is much we can do.  For most of us, we can reduce our migraines significantly.  You have probably heard me say before that I have reduced my own migraine frequency by about 50% through use of abortive medications, supplements, trigger avoidance, relaxation and meditation, and lifestyle changes.

Someone submitted a comment to one of my posts stating that 1) Migraine isn’t a disease; 2) there is a cure for Migraine “within us;” 3) he had over 20 years of migraines which are now gone; and 4) you can “retrain” yourself so you have no more migraines; he then went on to promote his methods.  I am genuinely happy for the commenter that his migraines are gone.  I am certainly curious about his methods, and glad that he wants to help others.  I don’t mean to suggest he had any but the best motives.  But I am wary of anyone’s claim to have a cure.  After some deliberation, I decided not to publish the comment and link.

There are two ways to look at “retraining.”  A nervous system which can be easily triggered into a Migraine attack can be viewed as an over-excitable or hyper-reactive nervous system.  Regular practice of meditation and relaxation can help us reduce the excitability of our nervous systems.  Note that this is not a “cure;” it is a supportive exercise or practice which can strengthen our system’s ability to resist triggers.  You could call this “retraining.”

But there is another view of retraining which comes from an idea that Migraine disease is psychologically generated.  It is not.  It is a real, physical condition.  It is no more psychological than epilepsy or scoliosis.  I view with rage books like Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life” which suggest that right thinking can solve all our medical problems.  She suggests that “Migraine headaches are created by people who want to be perfect and who
create a lot of pressure on themselves. A lot of suppressed anger is
involved…” 

And so, if we work like crazy in therapy, meditate, recite mantras and do whatever highly subjective steps Hay seems to think will enable us to let go of the anger and pressure, if we do all that and we still have Migraines, then what?  We failed?  It’s like telling someone the devil is causing their Migraines and they just have to really believe in God.  “I do believe!”  “If you really believed the devil would leave you and your Migraines would be gone!”  “But I really do believe…”  It’s just a very sneaky way of blaming the victim!

I wish we could do a scientific study of people who want to be perfect and who put pressure on themselves.  In the first place I bet you that’s at least 75% of the population.  And I bet you dollars to donuts that 12% of all the perfectionists would turn out to have Migraine disease.  And I bet that 12% of all the non-perfectionists would have Migraine disease too.  What’s the incidence of Migraine disease in the general population?  12%!  I think you get my point.

I have been told that if I only distinguished the beliefs from my past that were making me have Migraines, they would disappear.  I will admit I tried to do that.  Like anyone else, I have a past and beliefs were formed in it!  Some of those beliefs are limiting to me.  In a life of nearly half a century, with plenty of self-help, support groups, personal development courses, and therapy, I think I’ve managed to identify most of those beliefs.  So why am I not cured of Migraines?  Is it my fault?  Or, wait, could it be that I have a genetically based, incurable neurological condition?  Hmmm…  Which is the more logical conclusion?  And which is more empowering?

For me, the answer is clear.  I am 49, a woman, 5’2″, a redhead, a migraineur.  These are facts.  I get choices about what I do with those facts.  I am choosing to vigorously pursue better and better Migraine management.  I am not wasting my mental or emotional energy on “cures.”  Or at least I won’t, once I’m done with this rant!

– Megan Oltman

Curing is good for meats, cheeses, wines, paints… Maybe our heads don’t need it?

Hammer image courtesy of Darren Hester

Tags: blaming the victim, evolution, genetics, Louise Hay, meditation, Migraine disease, Migraine management, nervous system
Posted in Books, Communicating, Managing, Medicine, Rant, Science | Comments (4)

Feverish Thoughts

June 13th, 2008

I am slowly recovering from the bronchitis that has had me out of action for nearly two weeks now.  The first week was characterized by a fever ranging from 100.5 to 102.2 F (38 – 39 C).  The common medical wisdom these days, as I have heard it from a number of doctors, is that fever is a positive reaction of the immune system to an infection. To put it in lay terms, the body seeks to kill the infection by burning it up.  Therefore many doctors now recommend taking nothing for a fever, unless the patient is uncomfortable, or of course, unless the temperature rises dangerously high.  So if you can’t stand the body aches, or the head ache, or the heat itself, go ahead and take an analgesic, otherwise, let the fever burn.

I’ve been wondering how many people, given a choice and with analgesics available, actually just let the fever burn.  I am allergic to analgesics.  Incredibly, this was my first episode of fever since I developed the allergies five years ago.  My doctor recommended a homeopathic Belladonna preparation if needed for fever reduction, but I couldn’t find any to buy.  So I had a week of letting the fever burn.  It was an interesting experience, to say the least!  While my eyes were open I was fairly cogent, but had occasional visual and auditory hallucinations.  Nothing too exciting, a repeated mechanical banging sound in one ear, and a teddy bear face in the neighbor’s pear tree across the street that grinned and winked at me through the window.  I did not feel like myself at all; it was hard to even remember who “myself” was.  I felt like an alien from the planet Febrile!

It was very weird living on another planet. My body size was all over the map – at one point I was convinced
that the pillow I was touching on the other side of the bed was part of my body. Other times I felt very tiny, like a little fold in the bed-covers. Whenever I shut my eyes the fever dreams moved right in, with always a
committee of six or seven people in my head furiously making plans and fixing things. I’m sure if I just could have somehow recorded what went on my brain I would have written 16 volumes of great literature, solved global warming and created world peace too, while “we” were at it.  You’ve heard of doing things at a fever-pitch?  My thoughts were like that.

The worst thing was the head pain.  Headaches go along with fevers; for a near-chronic migraineur like me any headache has a high likelihood of morphing into a Migraine.  The persistent coughing of the bronchitis also banged my head around.  I woke every morning with a headache and developed a Migraine every day by afternoon.

I had one really funny fever dream where I closed my eyes and there were 7 of me around a conference table and one of us had this really searing disgusting hideous head pain, and the other 6 of us voted her off the show!  She had to go – and my goodness I woke up and my head pain was gone!  I don’t know but I may have to see if I can tap into the power of the fever dream committee other times too.

Everything is relative and I have been profoundly grateful that I am not that sick all the time, or even often.  I’ve been thinking about acute versus chronic illness.  I live with frequent Migraines, frequent fatigue, fairly frequent infections.  I know there are others of you whose chronic illnesses are more debilitating, and more progressive.  But mine pale in comparison to a high fever and racking cough, aches, shakes, dizziness and passing out.   Being that sick for an extended period of time could kill you!   I guess that’s why we read in 19th century literature of a “dangerous fever.”  I sit in awe of my body’s ability to fight off an infection like this one, largely unaided by modern medicine.   I’m giving it lots of rest and fluid and letting it do its thing.  It’s getting the job done, slowly.

– Megan Oltman

Back on good old planet Earth.

Heart of fire image courtesy of Marcus Vegas; pointing finger image courtesy of Lisamarie Babik.

Tags: analgesics, bronchitis, chronic illness, fever, migraine
Posted in Medicine, Rant | Comments (6)

Face, meet Floor!

June 1st, 2008

Fall down go boom!

Well I had an exciting night! I passed out and fell on my face in the bathroom! The good news is that though my nose is very bruised and I’m getting a bit of a shiner on my right eye, nothing is broken, there’s not much pain this morning.  I have succumbed to the nasty virus with fever and coughing that my son had for ten days.  Danny came down with it after Adam was back on his feet for a few days, and I bit the dust (so to speak) a couple of days after Danny.

What makes this all the more exciting is that I have anaphylactic allergies to most analgesics.  So there’s nothing I can take for fever.  Luckily I’m not very prone to fevers; I often get the same virus as everyone else but minus the fever.  Not this time.   I’ve been lying around now for two days with a fever and a nasty painful cough.  The coughing hurts my whole body and jars my head enough to wake the migraine monsters.

Around midnight my head pain was resolving into a migraine so I went into the bathroom with the Imitrex package. I was very feverish and not thinking too straight. I thought I’d first take my temp and then read the
Imitrex packaging to see if there was some reason not to take it with a fever – there isn’t, and that doesn’t really even make sense, but anyway… I didn’t want to wake Danny up because he was sick too.

So I sat on the toilet lid and put the thermometer in my mouth. I was very woozy and could hardly sit up. So I put my feet up on a little stool, put my elbows on my knees, and started putting my head down on my
hands. The next thing I knew I was on the floor in excruciating pain with bright lights flashing in my right eye. Someone was making this horrible wailing noise and it turned out it was me. The whole family came running in. I was so disoriented, I had no idea where I was or how I got there, I just knew my eye and nose hurt and my glasses were pressing into my eye. I don’t know if the glasses saved me from getting more hurt or if they made it worse. They didn’t break. There’s a big bruise and cut on the bridge of my nose.

The kids got me ice packs and Danny helped me up – he was going to support me back to bed. Next thing I know I’m very peacefully and comfortably asleep on the floor and he’s saying, Megan, Megan, can you hear me? Apparently I just kind of slumped and slid out of his arms back onto the floor. So weird. He got me back to bed and I slept the rest of the night. I’m still coughing and feverish and weak and I’m staying in bed!

I don’t know if it was the fever or the migraine or maybe both that made me pass out. What a mess!!!  Just to make this all the more dramatic and interesting, my long-awaited headache specialist appointment is on Tuesday.  I will call first thing tomorrow to get in to see the internist, and find out if the Headache Center wants me to come in.  I “only” had to wait 4 months for this appointment – I really don’t want to give it up!  I’m perfectly willing to go in not feeling well, but if I’m in danger of passing out it may not be a good idea.

Never a dull moment!

– Megan

Blue tile floor image courtesy of Jason Meredith

Tags: Adam Oltman Porcher, Adam Porcher, anaphylactic shock, fainting, fever, imitrex, migraine, viral infection
Posted in Medicine, Rant | Comments (6)