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Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Spammedy, spam, spammedy spam…

April 1st, 2012

Hello friends – I’ve been gone a long time and I’m so glad that (real) people still come by and visit Free My Brain. The needs of working and earning a living have gotten in the way of my blogging for a long time. There’s good news in that, in that I have been well enough to work full time, but bad news too as we continue to struggle economically and the stress level of my life remains high. Not to mention that I miss the wonderful relationships and the fun back and forth of the on line world. Ever since getting back from Headache on the Hill this week, and remembering who I am as part of this Migraine advocacy community, I have been determined to get back to Migraine blogging and coaching, even if just a little at a time.

With help from my resident tech-guru husband and at the recommendation of dear blogger friend Diana Lee, I am installing Disqus for comments, in the hope that real people will once again be able to talk to me, rather than spam-bots. (I hope Danny can get to it this weekend. He just started a new contract position Thursday so has been working on that, which has to take priority since it pays the mortgage.) Some of you have tried to leave comments and somehow haven’t been able to; I’ve had quite a few emails from my “contact me” page alerting me to something wrong with the comment function. Spam-bots don’t seem to have any trouble with it, though. I’ve gotten thousands of spam comments over the past year and a half or so. They were piling up in my comment moderation box, and several hundred even managed to spill over to the “approved” side though I sure as hell never approved them! I don’t know how that works, but I spent hours deleting them all over the last few days.

And so, just so those hours of purging will not be completely wasted, I wish to share with you some of the choicest cuts of spamminess – worthy of a Monty Python breakfast (spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam).

The thing about the spam comments is they just manage to sound almost human, but not quite. At first I thought they were all written by non-English speakers, but if you are human and speak any language at all you have some grasp of syntax, which is notably missing here.

First, the marvelous compliments:

“Treasured… I totally wonderful this item!” (And I totally wonderful your use of English!)

“Excellent site. It was pleasant to me.” (So nice of it; too bad you weren’t pleasant enough to leave it alone.)

“Splendid… I seriously great this post!…” (Wow, and you seriously grate on my nerves!)

“Eloquent… Smooth rhetoric in this item. I wondered if I was reading Richard Nixon.” (Well, hey now, is that any way to speak to someone who lived through Nixon’s rise and fall? Not that he wasn’t eloquent in his lies, but I’ve surely never modeled myself after him!)

“Simply wish to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your post is simply nice and i could assume you are an expert on this subject.” (Sounds almost human, though to be astonished by something simply nice would require some kind of weird mental gymnastics. Maybe this was a real human after all and I should take in that I am simple yet astonishingly nice. Except not right now.)

“Great beat! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website. The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept” (Yeah… I got rhythm…)

And just for the sheer nonsense of it, “Log Cabins Loch Lomond” contributed “Thanks erst much for distribution this on line. I sure every bit of it.” (Well, by yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes! You’re welcome erst much! I sure… every um… what you said.)

But rest assured, I am not universally loved by spam-bots, some criticize me thusly:

“I can impartially state that I didn’t get it… Check out this gibberish… Do others think they believe it?” (And I can impartially state that you are pretty darn good at gibberish yourself.)

“Grow taller for idiots review. Another post of fail… Why do you even bother ?” (Indeed. Why do I even bother, when I grow taller neither for idiots nor for geniuses? Five foot two and a half ever since I was fifteen. Ah me!)

And just in case you were wondering “how to quit smoking pot. {Simply|Just} {want to|wish to|desire to} say your article is as {astonishing|amazing|surprising|astounding}. The {clearness|clarity} in your post is {simply|just} {spectacular|nice|excellent|cool|great} and i {can|could} assume {you are|you’re} an … (Multiple choice spam? I’ll have the spam spam spam sausage and spam!)

But perhaps the creme de la creme:

“Fleece Blanket. Funny Thing Happened… While I was flipping through the post, a cat just swallowed my pet ferret!” (In fact, fleece blanket, that would be sad, if you were a human with a pet ferret. Luckily, it is highly unlikely.)

That’s all for now. Wishing you a spam and Migraine free tomorrow.

– Megan

Can of Spam image courtesy of AJC1.

Tags: Advocacy, blogging, Headache on the Hill, migraine, spam
Posted in Advocacy, Communicating, Rant, Silliness, Weblogs | Comments (1)

Having a wonky nervous system.

October 23rd, 2010

My CPU is messing up its P. My wires are crossed, frayed and fragmented. The volume knob on my pain processors is broken and they don’t make the replacement part. There’s a bug in my programming that no one knows how to debug. I am exquisitely sensitive. I want to know what’s so freakin exquisite about it?

I spent the afternoon in the courthouse on Thursday. That’s always been a stressful event for me, and in years past it used to steal my sleep the night before, have me so riled up I could barely think clearly, and inevitably led to a Migraine after. This time was not so bad. I really knew my stuff, I slept well, though not quite enough, I was only a little nervous. I spent the entire afternoon negotiating and wound up with a better than expected settlement for my client. It was still rather stressful and quite strenuous for me, though. I was too busy at work to get a break before I had to leave for court. The street I usually turn down was blocked off for construction. I parked 4 blocks from the courthouse and then got a little lost on foot, hauling my heavy file in a stiff wind. I was worried that my plenty-of-extra-time was turning into actually being late. I had to deal with heavy opposition and guilt-tripping at times from my adversary, and a major upset at unexpected details from my client. We were racing to get our agreement done before the courthouse closed. When I left I practically ran to my parking garage to avoid a ticket. All in all a very tiring day.

The good news is that my Migraines are well enough controlled that all that did not trigger one. I was close this morning but my cup of tea and morning supplements seemed to head it off. But by the time I got to my car on Thursday my arms were so sore and heavy I could barely hold them up on the steering wheel. I went home, had dinner, and my gut immediately began to cramp, leading into a two day irritable bowel attack. And throughout the day on Thursday and Friday, my hands were trembling constantly. When I got up on Friday my whole body felt like very sore and achy concrete. I told my husband I had great sympathy with concrete; I know how sore it must feel. He told me, “Yes but concrete doesn’t try to move around!”

I am one of those Migraineurs with a lot of related “co-morbid” neurological conditions. Migraine is a condition of an over-sensitized nervous system, with mis-firing of certain neurons in response to certain stimuli.  Fibromyalgia is like the sound has been turned up on pain receptors so that pain and tiredness amplify and continue in the muscles with long-lasting pain, it is also a condition of over-sensitive, over-active nervous system. Irritable bowel syndrome is thought to be the result of overactive nerves in the intestinal tract, and causes me days and even weeks of cramps, stomachache, heartburn and constipation. I also have a benign familial tremor – benign because it’s not Parkinsonian, familial because it’s hereditary. (my Dad has it but his didn’t appear until his 60’s – lucky precocious little me!)  I don’t know much about the science of the tremor but I notice it is strongest when I am tired and stressed. Oh and for years I have had anxiety, severe at times, though that is being well controlled now by one of the Migraine preventives.

I want to be de-bugged, that’s all I can tell you. The past few days have felt like one of those cartoons where the robot starts to explode, spinning wildly, blowing sparks out of its top and sending bolts flying. The things that are wrong with me – they are not just painful, debilitating, annoying, disruptive, and gross, they are also just plain weird. I never know what’s going to blow next. Well, actually I do have some idea, but it’s awfully hard to manage it all. I am sick and tired of being exquisitely sensitive. I can tell you, there’s nothing exquisite about it.

– Megan

Tags: benign familial tremor, central nervous system sensitivity, comorbid conditions, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, migraine
Posted in Rant | Comments (1)

Botox News: Can I do Migraine Education without Getting Nasty?

October 21st, 2010

Have you heard the news? Botox has been approved by the FDA for treatment of chronic Migraine. I first heard it from Diana Lee at Somebody Heal Me, but it’s been in the press this past week. This is great news for many chronic Migraineurs. Health insurers who have been refusing to pay for the highly expensive treatment will now lose the excuse that it is not a standard, accepted treatment. The FDA approval probably doesn’t guarantee they will cover it, but makes it much more likely. Like most Migraine treatments, Botox doesn’t work for everyone. As I understand it, for some Migraineurs, the injections into specific points in their heads and necks paralyze muscles that otherwise would contribute to the triggering of Migraines. With FDA approval, the treatments will be available for a much larger group of sufferers.

I guess some jokes are inevitable. Just for the record, the injections are highly unlikely to be into the same spots in your face that would plump up wrinkles, unless you just happen to have a wrinkle on one of those trigger points. Sorry. But I just ran across someone joking about it, and it got my goat.

A friend of mine who is a M.D. and has a great understanding about Migraine, has been very supportive of me, and also happens to work in a company that manufacturers dermatological products (so you could see she has some professional interest in the topic) posted a link on Facebook to the FDA approval of Botox. I commented that it was great news. Another friend of hers (who I don’t know) commented after me, saying “suddenly, I feel a headache coming on. sign me up!” Okay, I don’t know if this woman is a Migraineur or not and I don’t want to go off half-cocked, but it put me on slow burn. First I kind of shrugged, then read it again and was annoyed and gradually I’m getting that agitated feeling in my stomach… that could lead to a Migraine, among other things.

I’m trying to get at my feelings. The implication that I read there is that it’s a joke that you could get Botox for a “headache,” that people should fake headaches in order to get cosmetic Botox treatments. It trivializes our condition, maybe completely unknowingly, but even so. I was inclined to let it go so as to not drum up trouble, but if I don’t take on an opportunity to educate, I’m not being true to myself.  So I’m going to answer her. If you’re reading this post on Facebook, I already have.

Of course I’d love to really let loose, but I want to educate, not alienate, so here’s what I’m saying:

Migraine disease is a serious neurological illness which is one of the top 20 most disabling conditions world-wide. Chronic Migraine sufferers have Migraines 15 or more days per month. For some of us, Botox helps prevent or lessen the impact of some of the Migraine attacks. The Botox is not injected in places that would help anyone with their wrinkles. It may be surprising, or sound strange, but it’s not a joking matter. I don’t think you intended to offend, but please understand that your comment trivializes a very real disease suffered by 36 million people in the USA alone.

What do you think? Am I doing right by our cause?

– Megan

Tags: Botox, Botox for Migraine, chronic migraine, migraine advocacy, Migraine disease, Migraine education
Posted in Advocacy, Communicating, Current Affairs, Medicine, Rant | Comments (1)

Surviving the Perfect Storm

May 15th, 2010

My Migraine triggers generally include: lack of sleep; sleep at irregular hours; missing meals or going too long without eating (low blood sugar); working hard when tired (over-exertion, let-down after stress); hormonal fluctuations; electrical storms and barometric pressure changes; loud noises; crowds; smoke; crying; change of altitude.  Last night I sat through a perfect storm of triggers without actually getting a Migraine. Every trigger but the last three were present.

It went like this: I went to my Friday morning BNI meeting, which involves getting up at 6. That wouldn’t be too bad if I managed to get to sleep by 10 or so, but I never do. I go to sleep between 11 and 11:30 most nights and I have a very hard time cutting my evening shorter. Ideally I would go to bed and get up at the same time every day; it would be best for Migraine prevention and make those Fridays easy to bear. But I live in a household of night-owls and I’ve never been able to reconcile myself to having a completely different schedule from the rest of my family. Besides, most of my favorite tv shows are on from 10 – 11! So I got up and got going on less than 7 hours of sleep.

I worked hard all day, working with an intensive focus towards a deadline. It was a warm muggy day with thunderstorms in the forecast, and the building storm was palpable in the air. Then at the end of the working day I attended a charitable event that I was invited to by a friend. It was really a lovely event, a tour of a designer show-house and a dinner in a tent in the back with a couple of presentations, then arias by a couple of opera singers, and finally they held an auction.

I didn’t make it that long though. The thunderstorms broke while we were touring the house, and it was still raining when we went out to the tent. One of the sponsors of the event was a local appliance store, and one of the presentations was on outdoor kitchens. So they got a great local chef to cook a meal (for at least 100 people) on a huge outdoor grill that was being auctioned off. All a very nice concept, but apparently no one had really thought through how long it would take to grill several courses for 100 or more people. They began serving wine before the presentations started; an hour or more later they passed around some little cubes of grilled bread. The next course, grilled vegetables, came out more than half an hour later. then some grilled seafood at least a half hour after that. Each course was served on large platters to be passed around and shared. Each course gave each of us enough to tantalize but not enough to keep us from being hungry.

All the while there were presentations going on, and a lot of hungry people were drinking more and more wine, talking and laughing louder and louder, halfway drowning out the presentations. Then the opera portion started, and while the singing was excellent, I was right up front and the acoustics of loud operatic singing under a tent with thick humid air all around were overwhelming. Not to mention that people had had quite a bit to drink by that time and were not sitting quietly listening to the music. The competing sounds battered at my ear-drums. The smells from the grill wafted over for hours without any food following for a very long time. After the seafood course we sat even longer without food. I felt increasingly jittery from low blood sugar, worn from lack of sleep and a long hard day, battered by the noise, closed in by the crowd, pressed on by the humidity, shaken by the storms, confused by the multiple inputs and noise, distressed by wanting to be a good guest and not feeling up to it. I had many warning twinges in my temples and felt sure a Migraine was on the way.

My dear and very perceptive friend Izzy could tell something was going on and asked me. I shared with him what was going on in my internal world. He went to the kitchen and told them I needed food right away for a medical condition. He came back with some very rare meat which I ate most of and shared some of with a few of my neighbors. I felt bad because I knew everyone was hungry. I stayed until some more meat came out, which was quite a while later. I had a little and then left to go home. I was able to drive myself home, got in and ate yogurt and cereal with milk, some quick protein and calories. Then I collapsed.

The fact that I didn’t get a Migraine is pretty amazing. My nortriptyline, and my supplements, and my regular eating, and all the sleep I generally get (except on Thursday nights), and my regular walking, and my relaxation exercises, and all the other things I am doing to regulate my system… these are obviously paying off! A year ago I am sure that just the lack of sleep and a few hours of intensive work would have given me a Migraine – I wouldn’t even have made it to the evening event.

On the other hand, I had an exhausted night of very poor sleep, and today I am having a major fibromyalgia flare-up. My everything hurts today. My head is only a little tender, though, no pounding, no intense pain there. That’s still a victory!

– Megan Oltman

Approaching Storm image courtesy of Stephan Mantler.

Tags: fibromyalgia, migraine prevention, Migraine triggers
Posted in Managing, Rant | Comments (0)

Another Day, another Migraine

November 8th, 2009

Waking with head pain. Hoping it will go away. Have a work obligation – know if I take my triptan I won’t be able to drive. Weighing how much trouble it will cause to miss the meeting. Cup of coffee damping down head pain. Driving off to meeting. Sitting through it with hand pressed to right eye, shifting to shield both eyes from bright overhead lights. Meeting ending. Weighing whether I should drive. Getting home with help. Pain increasing all the way. Nausea beginning. In the door, family brings me food. Take sumatriptan injection. Incredible pain from injection. Unbelievable that I can do that to myself. Counting twenty seconds while holding burning needle in arm. Arm hideously sore to the touch. Initial increase in head pain from injection. Lying down. Breathing. Breathing. 3 in 5 out. Directing breath to head pain. Funny sensation in chest & stomach from sumtriptan. It passes. Pain eases. Lying very still for fear of reawakening it. Exhausted. Day on the bed. Second one in a week. Another day, another Migraine.

– Megan

Tags: migraine
Posted in Rant | Comments (3)

SAD People for the elimination of Standard Time

November 2nd, 2009

Want to join my crusade? I say down with Standard Time! I want my Daylight Savings Time back! Do you hate changing the clocks fall and spring? Concerned about the confusion, missed appointments, sleepiness, and increase in traffic accidents that happen in the week following a time change? Or do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) like me, and get depressed as the days shorten and the dark closes in?

The whole thing is confusing. Apparently the original idea was to save energy (candles and gas light) in the Summer by shifting an hour of daylight from the morning to the evening. For years I thought it was the other way around, that the Daylight Saving referred to the winter time when it is less dark in the morning, so that presumably the farmers can milk the cows without too many candles. But no, Daylight Savings is Summer time, and that dark dreary depressing time of year when it’s pitch dark by 6:00 p.m. is called “Standard Time.” Well I have to say I don’t like their standard! My standard is to have the light in the evening when we can use it! Sorry farmers, but it’s dark when you get up to do those chores anyway. I know it’s hard to get up in the dark, but I don’t want to waste my daylight sleeping through it.

I have a very hard time with this week of the year.  It’s like having jet-lag without going anywhere. I feel groggy and confused, and I get very blue when the sun goes down. I do get used to it, but it’s the beginning of 4 months of coping with darkness, until February when the day again lengthens enough that it feels like there is some hope left in life, somewhere.

As a Migraineur I am troubled by bright sunlight, though I can generally deal with it by wearing a hat and sunglasses and seeking the shade when outdoors. But I need the sun to feel okay emotionally – dark days make me sluggish, sleepy and sad. Yes I can get a light box and spend some time each day soaking up brightness. It’s not that there aren’t compensations. I just want Daylight Savings Time all year round. Endless Summer? Kind of. Who’s with me?

– Megan

Tags: Daylight Savings Time, Seasonal Affective Disorder, time change
Posted in Rant | Comments (2)

Socialize my Medicine, Please!

September 23rd, 2009

I went to a business lunch & learn presentation today, given by a very nice insurance agent, all about health insurance. He covered the history of health insurance, how we got in the mess we’re in today, and some ideas about how to fix it. His intention was to give business owners an idea of some options and choices that exist now. Well, we didn’t really get far into that last part, as so much of the time was taken up with people’s impassioned views on the subject of our health care system. Not surprising in the USA today.

A lot of views were expressed about how people overuse medical care, and doctors over-test and over-prescribe in order to cover their butts against potential liability, how we expect higher standards of care than in the past, how we take too many prescription drugs and don’t emphasize prevention enough. I can get with most of that, as far as it goes. I think health education and healthy lifestyle choices could be much more emphasized. I think the practice of defensive medicine is a real problem. But I don’t think the answer is to turn back the clock and say if you injure your knee you should just live with the limitations for the rest of your life, rather than having rehabilitation available. I don’t think having real effective treatments for conditions that were taken for granted throughout human history is a bad thing. People don’t have to suffer like they did – throughout human history.

It was more than I could do in the short time we were together to really make the case for chronic illness, though I tried. We all need to be responsible for ourselves, and take care of ourselves, and looking to a doctor or a pill to solve everything is not the answer. But many of us do not have the option to go without medical care – we cannot function without it. And the advances in medicine that may be seen as excessive or unnecessary by some are not happening fast enough for us, to help us function.

Many of us with chronic illnesses are living the healthiest lifestyles imaginable. We’ve cut out the unhealthy things that others just think they should cut out. We don’t have a choice because these things make us sick now. One guy said he thought it was crazy that healthy people and sick people should pay the same insurance premiums. This shows the problem with a traditional, for profit insurance risk model – but how can any rational person say that you have to be extremely wealthy to be a sick person? Should I pay twice (or five times) as much for my insurance as you? In other words if I get sick, if I have a genetic predisposition to disease, have an accident, or am just unlucky, I should go broke and end up an the street in order to pay for my care? Or maybe I should just die? A pure for-profit insurance model like this guy was championing, that’s the real death panel.  (Choosing who should live or die based on ability to pay. We have that in this country right now!)

I’m responding to things that I couldn’t respond to at the time without completely diverting the conversation. Unlike some wingnuts in town hall meetings around this country, I’m polite enough not to shout people down. Most of the time.

But what really got me was when we started talking about the Canadian model – interestingly, our presenter was a Canadian, living in the US for the last 15 years. He debunked the myth that people wait years for needed surgery in Canada. The same guy whose views I took issue with above said that in Canada the health care is free but the beer is really expensive. He said, “I’d rather have a cheap six-pack than a heart transplant.” Now listen, he was trying to be funny, but come on. Ask anyone on the street if they’d rather have a beer or a heart transplant, and chances are only those who need heart transplants are going to opt for the second choice. Even if you don’t like beer… The point is, that if you need a heart transplant, you should be able to have one without worrying about losing your life savings, or dying without the care you need. And yeah, go on and tax the unhealthy things to pay for the healthcare. Makes sense to me!

– Megan

Hit in the head image courtesy of Pawel Loj.

Tags: chronic illness, health care reform, health insurance
Posted in Advocacy, Current Affairs, Rant | Comments (4)

Treating-People-Like-Swine Flu

May 2nd, 2009

I don’t know about you, but I was not at all shocked to learn that the CDC was investigating large-scale factory-farming pig feedlots in Mexico as the probable “ground zero” of the new H1N1 type A influenza mutation.  Feedlots belonging to US agribusinesses, mind you.

According to David Kirby in the Huffington Post last week,

One of the first things they [the CDC] will want to look at are the hundreds of industrial-scale hog facilities that have sprung up around Mexico in recent years, and the thousands of people employed inside the crowded, pathogen-filled confinement buildings and processing plants.

“Swine Flu: Will Factory Farms Kill Millions?”

I’m not shocked, but I’m disgusted. Move the feedlots to Mexico where you can crowd people and animals in together in unsanitary conditions; let’s destroy the immune system of the world while we destroy the environment and the economy.  Oh don’t get me started.  Go read The Omnivore’s Dilemma.  Buy local organic food.

As for me, I’m in bed for the last two days.  My glands are painfully swollen, I have body aches and chills, I’m sneezing and coughing.  I don’t have a fever or any respiratory distress, and my family members are taking good care of me, so don’t call 911.  I don’t think I have swine flu but I feel awful so please forgive me if I’m behind on posting.

– Megan

Three pigs image courtesy of Eric Moeller.

Tags: Agribusiness, Organic Farming, Swine Flu
Posted in Books, Current Affairs, Rant | Comments (4)

Sneezebushes and Sneezetrees

April 18th, 2009

Other people do not consult me about their landscaping.  That is one of the unfortunate facts of my life.  This is a spirea bush.  A most attractive shrub.  When it is blooming it has a lovely little cluster of white or purple flowers, like this:

They are very attractive.  The purple ones bloom from spring to fall and have very little smell.  The white ones bloom in spring and have an acrid smell that makes the inside of my nose tingle, and make me sneeze up a storm. I call them Sneezebushes.  I am allergic to them.  When I breathe their pollens for an extended period, I tend to get a Migraine.  Interestingly, Landscape America tells us

“Aspirin is the generic medical name for the chemical acetylsalicylic acid, a derivative of salicylic acid.  Compounds of salicylic acid are found in some plants, notably white willow and meadowsweet (Spirea ulmaria).  Acetyl- and spirea which inspired the name aspirin.”

I am anaphylactically allergic to drugs in the aspirin family! Coincidence? Hmmm…

Then there is the Bradford Pear. It is a lovely blooming, non-fruiting pear tree, much favored for landscaping along shopping streets.  Here is Witherspoon Street in Princeton, NJ, completely lined with Sneezetrees, oh I’m sorry, I mean Bradford Pears…  I don’t know if they are in any way related to spirea.  Spirea are in rose family and so are pear trees, but I am not allergic to roses or other blooming fruit trees.  The smell is similar, and the effect on me is the same, an acrid sensation in my nostrils, sneezing, and Migraine.

My neighbors across the street put in three lovely little Bradford pears in their front yard last spring. When we open the front door on a nice April Saturday like today our house fills with the scents.  Achoo! Ow! Achoo! Ow!  Me lying down with the Imitrex and the Benadryl, hoping to be on my feet later…  Well, the blooms will fall in a week or two, right?

– Megan

Spirea image courtesy of Di the Huntress; Single Bradford pear image courtesy of Deep Valley Tree Farm

Tags: allergies, Migraine triggers
Posted in Rant | Comments (2)

My Brain Doesn’t Like My Life

March 17th, 2009

Now mind you, I like my life. Not that there aren’t parts of it I could do without. Not that it doesn’t have its difficulties. But I do like my life. It’s just my brain that doesn’t like it. Oh and maybe my immune system? Or my adrenal glands? What system is implicated in Chronic Fatigue? I know there’s some central nervous system component to that too, so I’m probably back to my original statement – my brain doesn’t like my life.

I was reading The Migraine Brain by Dr. Carolyn Bernstein the other day and I was really struck by one of her statements.  She is discussing the brain, how it is less adaptable and tolerant of change or variance than any other organ in the body, and Migraine brains are “as high-maintenance as they come!” Our brains want us to have a calm, quiet, regular existence, with low stress levels, the same amount of good quality sleep at the same time every day, a constant level of blood sugar.  I was trying to explain this to a business associate this morning – he was suggesting that I add a second weekly 7 a.m. networking meeting to my schedule, and I was trying to tell him the effect on my system of getting up even one day a week early enough to make a 7 a.m. meeting, when I don’t get up that early other days.

In reality, I have two teens who have to get up at 6 to get to school and who stay up late doing homework and I can’t always get to bed as early as I would like, or sleep as late as I would like, even though my husband takes care of most of both the early and late parenting duties. In reality there is a great deal of stress and financial pressure in my life, and I need to work, and I need to continually generate and reinvent the work that I do, since I work for myself. My stress levels mean that I don’t sleep as well as I might, and that leads to more fatigue, and more Migraines. More fatigue and more Migraines mean I get less work done, and that’s a vicious cycle.

Thinking about having a high maintenance brain has really amused me. I have never seen myself as a high maintenance kind of a woman! But I started speculating, if I have a high maintenance brain, what kind of life would it like me to have? Clearly it would involve going to bed by 11 each night. Maybe a bath and a massage to relax me before bed.  “Come along, Megan, time for your bath and massage.” Ah, yes.  Then I would sleep until 8 and have a nutritious breakfast in bed.  Get up and do yoga, and go for a walk.

The weather would be breezy, 75 degrees, mixed sun and clouds.  It could rain a little overnight, but never when I want to go out. Yes, I mean every day. I know it’s unreasonable, but I’m high maintenance, right? Come on!

I’m really not sure what the rest of my day would consist of, frankly it’s hard for me to imagine, but I do know that I would not have much of anything to worry about. That is non-negotiable to my brain! I could take nice little trips as long as all the other drivers drove safely and carefully and did not use their horns. I could have lovely visits with people and enjoy restaurants and movies and concerts and plays as long as no one smoked, no one shouted, there were no flashing lights, and the decibels were at a reasonable level. Whatever that is!  And no two people can ever speak to me at at the same time. And all my meals must be delicious and gluten free and arrive before my blood sugar drops too low.  Preferably without me having to think about it too much, or cook it.  Yes, I could have lots of lovely fun as long as it was all on my terms and I was home in time for my bath and massage and bed by 11.

Gee, it sounds kind of like what my high-maintenance brain wants is a permanent vacation! An expensive one! Oh for heaven’s sake, brain, get a life!

– Megan

Oh well, at least there’s chocolate.

Tags: Carolyn Bernstein M.D., Migraine brain
Posted in Rant, Silliness | Comments (4)