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This is my journal of living with Migraine and other chronic illness. Trying to live well, to live a purposeful life, with chronic illness, since I don't get the choice of living one without it!

Keeping my Head Above Water

August 18th, 2009

Well, I wish I was literally swimming, rather than figuratively trying not to drown. I was just noticing how few posts there have been here, and that’s not like me. The good news is I’m managing not to have too many Migraines. I may be headed for one tonight – we’ll see. there’s a ferocious thunderstorm out right now. And the good news is I got away to my lovely cousins’ lovely beach-house on the LI Sound for the weekend, and didn’t bring much work with me.

I won’t try to hide that things have been tough. Although I am keeping busy writing and Migraine coaching and mediating and part-time lawyering, getting a daughter ready to start college in 3 weeks and a son to start high school at the same time, it’s a lot to juggle, and still get the rest I need and take care of myself the way I should to manage my Migraines. My husband has some free-lance work but needs a full-time job. Money is tight and I am a worrier. I just want to say hi. The worst thing is to go out of communication, and not let anyone know how you are. How I am is busy and worrying too much.

What’s my great coachly advice for you today? I’m working hard to take the coaching myself. Going out for a walk in the morning when I’d rather sleep in a little longer, because I know I need the endorphins from the exercise in my system, to help keep pain manageable. Because I know then I’ll drink less coffee and rest better, which will make me less triggerable. Because I know the exercise is good for keeping my anxiety levels down, and while I walk I do relaxation exercises that help me keep my nervous system less triggerable.

We do have some exciting new stuff coming at Free my Brain. We’ll be starting a Migraine Support and Coaching group on September 2nd. We’ll meet by telephone twice a month to work together on goals in managing our Migraines and improving our health. Get support from other Migraineurs and individualized coaching from me, at a fraction of the cost of one to one coaching. Look for the sign-up on the Home page, coming soon.

Right now we have a special for newsletter subscribers, where you can get 40% off of BREESE Relaxation Recordings. Check your email for the coupon code. If you’re not a current subscriber you can subscribe in the 6 Migraine Keys box in the upper right corner of the blog page, and you’ll find the coupon code on the Thank You page.

And though I haven’t gotten over here to write very much, I have been writing articles on Law, Migraines, Disability and Work for Health Central’s My Migraine Connection. Feel free to check them out – I wrote most recently about Work & Disability: Don’t Fall Through the Cracks.

I hope you’re keeping your heads above water too. Expect more from me soon. Let me know how you’re doing, in the meantime! Say hi, let’s keep up the communication. Okay?

– Megan

Swimming image courtesy of David Joyce; rain shower image courtesy of AlmazUK.

Tags: endorphins, exercise, managing life with migraine, relaxation techniques, support group
Posted in Communicating, Managing | Comments (3)

Calling all Redheaded Migraineurs

August 9th, 2009

Now I know Migraine occurs in all human cultures, and people of all hair colors as well as all sorts of other characteristics, but I am interested in conducting a very unscientific study here… and certainly interested in knowing if any real studies have been done of this (I don’t know of any).

An article in the New York Times yesterday entitled The Pain of Being a Redhead discussed several studies which indicate that redheads are resistant to anesthesia, take on average 20% more medication to anesthetize (which has been known anecdotally by anesthesiologists for years), and may have a higher sensitivity to pain than the general population.

I shared this link on Facebook and very shortly got comments from 4 redheaded Migraineur friends! Now the comments were all over the place. Most of us agreed that as Migraineurs we deal with so much pain on a regular basis that we think our pain threshhold is higher rather than lower, though several of us have had the experience of being resistant to anesthetic or pain-relieving drugs. But here’s what I’m curious about – is there a high correlation between red hair and Migraine, or was my little flurry of redheaded Migraine buddies just a fluke?

Tara Parker-Pope, the article’s author, states that

a mutation in the MC1R gene results in the production of a substance called pheomelanin that results in red hair and fair skin. The MC1R gene belongs to a family of receptors that include pain receptors in the brain, and as a result, a mutation in the gene appears to influence the body’s sensitivity to pain.

If we redheads have a genetically altered sensitivity to pain, are we more prone to chronic pain conditions? I have no idea – but I do wonder!

– Megan Oltman

Tags: chronic pain, migraine, New York Times, pain sensitivity, red hair
Posted in Medicine, Musings, Science | Comments (10)

Clean up, or Rest and Recover, How Do we Choose?

July 23rd, 2009

Diana Lee wrote a compelling post recently about the felt need to keep her house clean when she is home on total disability – called “I’m So Lazy: Ways We Trick & Abuse Ourselves“.  I could really identify with those undermining tapes that play in our heads, telling us that whatever we are doing, and however sick we may be, we could and should be doing more, and better, and keeping up appearances!

Diana’s post inspired my theme for the Free My Brain Migraine Managment newsletter on this month. (If you’d like to recieve the newsletter you can sign up in the Six Migraine Keys box in the upper right corner of this page.)  Here’s what I think about how to choose:

Putting our health first is a mantra, not a rule. A mantra is something we repeat to ourselves and allow it to slowly sink into our subconscious minds, informing our actions. A mantra can be a question or an inquiry
that we live inside of, always asking ourselves, “What would it mean to put my health first, today, in this situation?”

How, in the face of all of life’s demands, paying bills, maintaining a home in some semblance of order, raising children or caring for others, do you put your health first?

Use putting your health first as a mantra and it won’t give you a hard and fast answer in every situation, but it will give you some guidance. Repeat “I am putting my health first,” as you walk, as you meditate, as you go to sleep at night.

We can’t avoid every Migraine, and sometimes we will choose to work, or do housework or other tasks, even though it triggers an attack or worsens our pain. It is not a perfect world and we can’t magically have all our needs and obligations taken away because we are sick. Part of putting our health first must be to forgive
ourselves in those situations. We must forgive ourselves when we do the task to the detriment of our health, and we must forgive ourselves when we can’t do the task because of our health. You will never get this perfect. We are blessed or cursed with a sensitive nervous system that will go haywire at times, whatever we do. Guilt is essentially unhealthy! “I am putting my health first, and I forgive myself!”

If the mess in the house is driving you berserk, as so many of us relate, try to break the jobs down into tiny pieces. I try to pick up, put away, clean or deal with three things every time I walk into a room. Just three. This way the incredible mess gets dealt with, or at least maintained, a little at a time without wearing me
out. And prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. What’s more crucial today, clean underwear or paying the mortgage? (What? Both, of course!) Maybe you could rinse out two pairs of undies in the sink and pay the bill, leaving the bigger laundry task for tomorrow.

Remember – even healthy people will die with full to-do lists! And if you are just lying down, putting your health first, you are already doing the most important thing. Leave me a comment and let me know how your choosing is going today!

– Megan Oltman

dirty dishes image courtesy of Easternblot – eva

Tags: disability, forgiveness, prioritizing, recovery
Posted in Managing, Tips & Techniques | Comments (0)

Staying out of the Spotlight

July 22nd, 2009

It’s very uncomfortable to suddenly have one’s vulnerabilities become center stage. I had an odd experience this week. I haven’t met many Migraineurs yet who actually want their illness to be center stage. We want to be understood, we want support and empathy and help where we need it, but not generally to be fussed over and be the center of attention because of our disease. At least, that’s my impression of the many many Migraineurs I have met! Do you agree?

A few nights ago I had a parents’ meeting to attend for a program my kids are involved in.  I’m currently on vacation in a conference center, and the space found for the parents’ meeting was the stage of the auditorium, where they had set up a circle of chairs and turned on all the stage lights.  I stepped onto the stage and in every direction there was a spotlight pointed straight into my eyes. I edged my way around for a bit, trying to find some safe angle, but the lights were just everywhere. As often happens in the face of a trigger like that, I got disoriented. I couldn’t figure out whether to stay or go. I can’t imagine what I must have looked like, staggering around the stage. My husband was there and he kind of guided me to a chair, and sat on the floor in front of me.  I bent my head down onto his back, threw the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and eyes and asked if they could turn the lights down. Someone said they were trying to dim the lights.

Now at this point my face was hidden in my husband’s back, I felt dizzy and disoriented, and I didn’t know if my voice was loud or muffled.  I was worrying about how strange I looked. The woman next to me said something sympathetic and handed me a booklet to further shade my eyes. I thanked her and said, “I’m sorry to seem so dramatic, but those lights will trigger me into a Migraine in no time flat.”

Apparently it wasn’t easy to dim the lights because the meeting started with them still on. My kind neighbor called out, “turn out those lights, we have someone with Migraine problems here!” Several people made suggestions about where else I should sit, and I answered, without picking up my head, “No, then the lights from over there are in my eyes.” My voice sounded whiny and desperate to me.  So, they turned out the lights.

This story is not about other people not understanding. I don’t know whether the people in that meeting understood or not. Whether they understoood or not, they were very caring and responsive. The whole meeting sat in the dusk so that I would not have lights in my eyes. This story is about how mortified I felt to have my vulnerability, my weakness, my Achilles heel, my Kryptonite, right up there, center stage, under the spotlights, for everyone to see.

I worried what everyone thought. Did they think I was being dramatic? Were some of the other people there sitting in judgment, annoyed at sitting in the dark, wishing I would just go away? Did I sound as whiny to others as I felt to myself?

Interestingly, I had a chance to talk about the meeting with one of the other parents the next day (it was a very good meeting, by the way), and I made some comment about having made everyone sit in the dark. She looked confused, and then said, “Oh, was it you with the hood over your head?” So obviously, I was not remembered for that! I guess I won’t go down in history here as the drama queen who made them sit in the dark because I SAID the lights would give me a Migraine!

But tell me, why is it so hard to let people see I am less than perfect?

– Megan

Tags: migraine, Migraine triggers, spotlights, vulnerability
Posted in Communicating, Musings | Comments (8)

Blog Carnival Time Again!

July 12th, 2009

It’s your hit and run blogger here, catching up to let you know about two wonderful blog carnivals.

How to Cope with Pain published the June Pain Blog Carnival about a week or so ago (told you I was catching up) with lots of great posts on living with chronic pain.  She has kindly listed teleconferences as one of the posts.

Tomorrow tune in to Somebody Heal Me for the July Headache & Migraine Disease Blog Carnival. There is no theme this time, but there are sure to be a number of great posts as usual.

Hope to talk to you again soon!

– Megan

Carnival Lights image courtesy of Gilberto Santa Rosa

Tags: blog carnival, Weblogs
Posted in Communicating, Weblogs | Comments (1)

Trying to Catch Up when Migraines Interrupt

July 11th, 2009

By the way, it will never happen. The catching up, I mean. We will all die with things on our to-do lists. I am included in this.

I had a mild Migraine yesterday. The good news is that it was mild. I wasted an hour or so at my desk with mild head pain and major brain fog trying to force myself to function. I wasn’t getting anything done, so I went and took my triptan and lay down for awhile. After a couple of hours I was able to think again and the pain was mostly gone, so I went back to work. I had a productive couple of hours, but altogether was only through half of my list for the day. So when the day was really done and I needed to go to bed, I found myself staying on line, tweeting a few more tweets, reading a few more blogs, messing around doing anything but turning out the lights and going to sleep.

Why do I do that? I have such trouble letting go of the day when it doesn’t go the way I want it to. I am aware of the impulse, but yet it’s completely irrational because the hanging round tweeting, keeping myself up, isn’t catching me up or making up for what I lost. Sometimes I wish my Mom was here to tell me to go to bed!

I have a visualization that I do to complete the day when I lie down to sleep. I picture a room, it’s a pleasant sort of office, with a beautiful view (that’s the view from my office, picture that if you want!), and a big desk, lots of drawers and closets. I visualize all the things I was working on in the day, all the things that happened, one by one, as objects or pieces of paper.  A writing project might show up as a piece of paper, a fun conversation I had might be a toy, one by one I review the happenings, projects, and even emotions of the day and picture them in some physical form. And with each one, I find a place to put it away. If there is something I need to remember to do with it tomorrow, I write a note to myself and put it on the desk. I run through this with each and every part of the day until everything is put away, and then I sweep the room and leave. If I’m still awake!

Please visit my new products page for recordings of other visualizations that are specifically for relaxation, pain reduction and reducing Migraine triggerability.

As for me, I have to remember sometimes that I have the tools and pick them up sooner. Completing the day to go to sleep makes a lot of sense. Being complete with the fact that I have been interrupted in the course of the day, and that I won’t get it all done – that’s harder for me. How about you?

– Megan Oltman

Tags: letting go, migraine, relaxation exercise, sleep, visualization
Posted in Managing, Tips & Techniques | Comments (0)

Quite a Week in Migraine Land

June 27th, 2009

Hello dear readers, I’ve been quiet this week. It started with my daughter’s high school graduation on Monday – where it has apparently become the fashion to cheer for one’s graduates with air horns. Air horns aimed at the back of the head + bright hot sun & humid weather following many weeks of rain + more black storm clouds rolling in by the end of the ceremony + an emotional day = Migraine! By the way it really sounds like Migraine Puppet and I were at the same graduation, or perhaps are living the same life!

I have been blessed with plenty of work to do lately and in the current state of the economy can’t turn much of it away, so I haven’t been able to devote much time out to Migraines this week. I’ve taken my medications and laid down but I’ve been back up working sooner than would be ideal, and with more storms, more rain, more graduation parties, more emotion (though thankfully no more air-horns!), teenagers’ cars breaking down by the side of the road… it’s been quite the Migrainey week. We’re also getting ready for a graduation party of our own next weekend, deep cleaning the house, stirring up lots of dust!

Tomorrow I’m looking forward to taking some time out to talk to Dr. Bill Young about preventing and treating daily headache and intractable Migraine. (Do you think he’ll tell me to slow down?) If you’re registered for the Managing Life with Migraine teleconference series, don’t forget to call in at 4 pm Eastern time. If you’re not registered, there’s still time, just follow the link and sign up, and you’ll get the details to call in.

Hope to talk to you tomorrow!

– Megan

Tags: air-horns, graduation, managing life with migraine, storms
Posted in Communicating, Managing, Musings | Comments (0)

No, You’re not Crazy, You just Have Migraines

June 18th, 2009

On last month’s Managing Life with Migraines Teleconference with Dr. Roger Cady one of the things we discussed was living with the hyper-sensitive nervous system we have as Migraineurs.  Dr. Cady helped us recognize that in caring for ourselves and our emotional helath, we need to nurture the sensitive nervous systems we have.  This was a theme that resonated with many of us on the call, and I’ve had a few participants telling me they never knew that…

As a Migraineur, you might have a highly developed startle-reflex, and jump at every loud noise…

As a Migraineur, you might not be able to process multiple auditory inputs, but feel overwhelmed, panicky, and like you can’t hear when there are many noises at the same time, or even several people talking to you at the same time…

As a Migraineur, your sense of “not liking” crowds is more than just a dislike, it’s an inability to process too much sensory information at the same time – in other words, it’s not psychological, it’s neurological…

As a Migraineur, sensory overload is a very real thing, with very real consequences for you. If you’re like me, you have been accused by co-workers, friends or family members at some point of being hyper-sensitive, neurotic, or just plain no fun because of your tendency to break down in the face of too much noise, light, or overall stimulation. Or you have accused yourself, and pushed yourself to continue in the face of too much, because you want to keep up with everyone else.

When you feel overloaded, that is part of your early warning system.  Heed the warnings.  Seek some quiet.  Take some deep breaths.  Use relaxation routines.  I have some very easy relaxation exercises you can use in the midst of everything to calm your system back down. Continuing the overload leads to our systems’ form of short-circuit – a Migraine.

Are there things you’ve noticed about yourself, like startling at loud noises or panicking in crowds, that you can see are part of your Migrainous nervous system? Please share them!

– Megan

Crowded street image courtesy of Wm Jas.

Tags: managing life with migraine, relaxation techniques, sensitve nervous system, startle reflex
Posted in Managing | Comments (27)

Move a Muscle, Change a Thought

June 12th, 2009

Move a Muscle, Change a Thought. I first heard that in a self-help program many years ago. It’s easy to stay stuck in a certain way of thinking, to stay down and confused and immobilized when we stay in the same place, looking at the same things. Get up, move, do something different, move a muscle, change a thought. There is now all kinds of scientific evidence to back up this idea, of the benefits of physical activity and exercise. I’m not just talking about working out or even taking a walk, though. Just do something to shift, move, change your perspective, take some action, get something moving.

This is as true for those of us with Migraine disease and chronic illness as it is for anyone else. Maybe more so. When we are in chronic or frequent pain it’s hard to act on this. I don’t deny it. But as hard as it is, it’s very important. It may be that walking to the mailbox is as far as you can go. It may be that sitting up for an hour instead of lying down is a major challenge. Do it, if you possibly can. We need accomplishment in our lives to make our lives feel worthwhile to us. We need goals, even tiny ones. We need to feel we are contributing, even if the extent of the contribution is to wash 3 of the dirty dishes. There will be those times when we cannot do anything but endure our pain, or when attending to our healing is all we should do, but when it is not one of those times, it is time to be doing something.

We also need the shift in perspective. When you stay in one place for a long time, your world can close in. You can’t see your way out of problems. Moving your body changes what your eyes see, it helps your blood flow, it helps you breathe more fully, and it opens up your thinking.

I just completed the set of BREESE relaxation recordings which are available on the products page here on Free my Brain. The final BREESE Breathing recording teaches a breathing and movement technique I use to help get the breath and blood moving and the whole body relaxed. You can use this when you have mild head pain, or in the post-drome phase after a Migraine to start moving again and aiding your recovery.

Another technique taught me long ago is to take a green break. Plants produce the oxygen we need to survive, they also produce negative ions which soothe us. Get outdoors and be with a green growing thing. If you can’t get out, spend a few minutes with a house plant. When all else fails, look out a window at something green, or even look at a picture of trees, fields, the natural world. Get up, leave the house, cross the room, or even roll over and contemplate something green. Let your worries flow out of you into the green growing world. Just as plants use our carbon dioxide, the waste from our breath, to produce oxygen, let the waste of our minds, our worry and anxiety, flow out into the natural world and be transformed.

Life rewards action. There’s another great saying, and I don’t know where I first heard it, but I have found it to be true, for me and for the people I work with. Here in New Jersey we have had several weeks of almost non-stop rain. It is gray, damp and chilly, except when it’s gray, damp and muggy. Although I don’t trigger at every barometric pressure change like some Migraineurs, I did eventually get a Migraine over the past few days. It was very hard to get up and move. But once the active pain phase had passed, and during a break in the clouds, when it was just drizzling instead of down-pouring, I went out for a walk. I walked gently, doing my relaxation breathing in rhythm with my steps. I came back more optimistic, with the fog of post-drome beginning to lift. I played a game with my kids; I began writing this piece.

Do what you can to get in action. Little actions can make a big difference. Roll over, shift your perspective. Move a muscle, change a thought. Let me know how I can help!

– Megan

Walk in the light image courtesy of H. Koppdelaney; Rain shower image courtesy of AlmazUK.

Tags: chronic illness, exercise, getting in action, Migraine disease, self-help
Posted in Managing, Musings, Tips & Techniques | Comments (0)

Juggling Work & Illness

June 10th, 2009

Some of you may know that for the past few months I have been writing articles on Health Central’s My Migraine Connection on legal issues that relate to Migraine and chronic illness – doctor/patient confidentiality, protection of your Medical Records under HIPAA, Accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and look soon (in the next day or two) for an article on taking intermittent leave under the Family Medical Leave Act. You may know that in addition to coaching Migraineurs and others with chronic illness in how to manage life, get better, and live well with chronic illness, I am also a business coach, an attorney and a mediator, and I’m helping my husband develop several other web-based businesses for our family.

I try not to make too many recommendations that I haven’t tried myself, and so if I am going to coach and advise people in how to perform the extreme juggling act that is life with chronic illness, I guess I’d better be quite the juggler myself. I didn’t necessarily set out to do it on purpose – it worked out that way. When full time lawyering didn’t fit with chronic fatigue and triggered too many Migraines, when business coaching dropped way off in the current economy, when Migraine management coaching was a great idea but needed some time to develop, I have tried to keep nimble and keep using all my skills, trying new things and renewing old ones, all while getting sufficient rest, managing my triggers, and practicing my intentional relaxation.

I really started out this post to point you to the writing I’ve done on legal topics lately, because I think as you are managing your life with Migraine, these are useful pieces of information for you to have. But I do think a lot about all the many pieces that make up my life, the balls I have up in the air, as I work to manage it all, and to help those of you who work with me to manage what you juggle as well. It’s great to have something to work on. You don’t need to have as many things to manage as I do – I’m probably an extreme case. But it is important for us to have a sense of purpose and to be making a contribution in life – even when we are ill. It may not be work for pay – but if that’s possible, it’s a good thing! I recently added a little part-time job to my mix that keeps me on my feet for several hours, several days a week. Despite some initial exhaustion, over all my stamina seems to be building.

I hope for you that you have something that can get you out of bed and give you a sense of purpose – at least some of the time. Let me know how your juggling act is going!

– Megan

Street juggler image courtesy of Amit Bansal.

Tags: disability rights, managing life with migraine, work-life balance, working
Posted in Advocacy, Managing, Musings | Comments (2)